But...I don't wanna

Remember the first time you were faced with the monkey bars?

The feeling of complete awe that you, a small child of 3 or 4 would actually be able to climb across this sideways metal ladder. The fear that if mommy or daddy let go you would go plunging to the ground, maybe even through the ground at such a pace you would wind up in Africa all alone. You are so small, it is so big.

You reach up to touch the first rung, but can't reach. You try again...nope. Quickly you turn to daddy for the answer. He lifts you up, just about half a foot, NOW you are holding onto the first rung. It is so cold and your hand can barely hold the bar. You let go of one hand, and daddy still has you, making you feel more confident. From daddy's arms you reach for the second rung, grab it and bring your other hand to it. This uncertainty continues, until you reach the end, at which point you say "Again Daddy!"
This time is a little different, you have more confidence, you don't check to see if  daddy has you after each rung. You soon realize that you have reached the next to last rung, and daddy is just standing near you, not holding on. You panic, let go...fall to the ground and begin to cry.


That is how letting go has affected me.

Many wonderful things have happened since my last blog post. I found out that my medical bills, which I have been struggling to pay, have been taken care of my an anonymous donor at the hospital (Thank you, Jesus) and I have also had a few interesting job opportunities.
First of all, they have decided to make me a shift supervisor at the coffee shop that I work at. This would have been extremely exciting news in November, as I was hired with the intention of becoming a shift---it has been 5 months since I started working there. I love the job, most of the time, but I often find myself thinking that there has got to be more. I know within my heart that the coffee shop is just a temporary thing, and my mind has also decided this, but I must keep trucking along until I know what I must do!
Secondly, I have had 2 job interviews, at 2 very different places. Yay!
The First job was at a nursing home, they loved my application and resume, loved most of my references, then they called the convent. I have not spoken with them since leaving, and when I left I was in a pretty bad place. They did not know this and because of my "mental health", I was not hired at the nursing home.
The Second job is at an elementary school working with children whom have special  needs--where my heart and soul truly rests. I was supposed to hear back by the end of this week about employment, and have yet to receive a phone call or letter. I have logged onto the company website, and where it used to say "Under Review" it now says "Not being considered". This broke my heart
Because everything happened in an amazing sequence.
I expected amazing things to happen.


Be Still and Know that I am God.

I was still, but now I am more confused about trusting than ever.
I don't wanna be still any longer

Right now I can hear God saying "Patience little one, one day you will be able to use the monkey bars all by yourself...you just have to do some more growing"

I guess I have to listen.