Good Grief?

Grieving get's a bad rap. It is often thought of as something negative, something that we have to go through, something that happens after tragic circumstances, in other words--- something else to add to our plates. Grief  is not something we ever want to have to face.

I, myself, still fear facing grief. This is mostly because it means that I have to move on with life, continue existing without that person, or way of living. I, like many others, want to remain comfortable. I would rather not think about moving on, why can't my mom be alive, why couldn't my sister be "normal", or  my latest: why couldn't I still be in the convent. God is the ONLY one who knows the answers. He also knows, that we can't remain stagnant.

There are 5 primary stages to the grieving process,  it can take months, or even years to reach each stage. It is also very common to experience a stage more than once, and even .,possibly, skip a stage all together.

1) Denial--- Yes, we all go through this stage: "This isn't happening to me", "Tomorrow things will be just as they were". I think I live in denial. I highly dislike admitting that things happened, because admitting it makes it real. But denying does not change a single thing.

2)Anger--- I have been through several circles of anger regarding my circumstance. In fact, I am currently trying to redirect a newly formulated cycle. Anger in any shape or form is okay for short periods of time, but harboring anger, can be extremely detrimental to your health (not just mental but physical), trust me...I know.

3)Bargaining-- I never bargained. I never wanted to sell my soul to God just so I could have my happiness back, I suppose this is because I have an immense faith that God is behind this, and nothing I say or do would convince Him otherwise. God knows exactly why I have to go through this.

4) Depression--- Going on a year now. Yes, I admit it, I have become a gloomy melancholic with severe tendencies to have the OCD component of a Choleric- because I can't control what happened and really have no control over the future, I panicked. Depression is a sadness and darkness that is extremely hard to shake, but I have continued to push through. I actually believe that because of a small circle of support this is possible. I may feel desolate and isolated, but, in fact, I am surrounded by love.

5)Acceptance-- I thought I had accepted everything that happened, accepted things to be the way they are, however, I have discovered I have a VERY long way to go--- and grow. I don't know when acceptance will set in. This part of the process might take a few more years to get to, with God catching me at each fall I am willing to accept that acceptance might take a while.


I have difficulty dealing with grief, and moving on with an upward stride. But, knowing that I am being shaped into a vessel of God's love, one of more understanding, more compassion and empathy...I think I am okay with having to go through with this.

You know what Charlie Brown, maybe, just maybe... grief  IS good.