Where do we go from here?

I find myself replaying the song "You Must Love Me" from the musical Evita...both through cd and in mind.

Perhaps this is because that is exactly how I feel. I have gone so far, traveled a long journey--- though God will ultimately decide how long I need to  travel, but my mind and heart are asking: What now...where do we go?

The song takes place at the end of the play, when Evita is dying. She is singing to Juan asking him why he still loves her, as her whole world, everything she built it up to be...has now fallen. She feels like she is useless, and there is no reason for anyone to love or care for her anymore.

How does the equate to my life? My heart is singing this song to God... Let me break it down stanza by stanza (my explanation is in blue):

Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be
We had it all, you believed in me
I believed in you
My life is nowhere near where I thought it would be 10, well even 2 years go. There was a time I was extremely certain in my faith, certain in my trust, and certain that everything would work out for the good. My relationship with God was full of tiny consolations(which I needed at the time) --bringing me closer to the knowledge that He and I were right where we needed to be, I knew without a doubt He loved me, and I loved Him.We had faith in each other.

Certainties disappear
What do we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive,
As we used to do?

Certainties, definitely disappear. After having been thrown through, what I like to call a "rock tumbler" of a year (as one can only hope the tumbling leads to eventual perfection in His eyes), I don't know who I am anymore, I have lost my feet, have forgotten how to stand. How do I continue on this path without divulging into the struggle of Mary vs. Martha?  When will I feel passionate about things again, how can I realize what the REAL dream for my life is? 

Deep in my heart I'm concealing
Things that I'm longing to say
Scared to confess what I'm feeling
Frightened you'll slip away

This is self-explanatory. You know there are always things we wish to say to God, but can't ever find the courage to say them because we are afraid---even with the promise of His Mercy---that He will leave us...

Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance and I'll let you see how
Nothing has changed  

I am in constant awe at the fact that even in our darkest hours, even when we can't seem to find His voice or feel His presence, God is always beside us. This fact makes me all the more saddened because of my recent doubt, I feel that I do not deserve this. Because of my doubt and constant struggle to trust, I feel I am useless, at times, for His Kingdom--- I sometimes feel like I am used and broken goods--- But I pray for those second chances to trust again. Second chances to prove that I have what it takes to be in His vision, to be a Beautiful Child of God.

In the end though...is anyone ever TRULY worthy of His love, forgiveness, trust and Mercy?